THE "HIGH FIVE"

We all know what the High Five is, so I won't bore my readers with an unnecessary description thereof. For those who are interested, however, it is generally accepted that the High Five was first done by Glenn Burke and Dusty Baker, both of whom were members of the Los Angeles Dodgers baseball team. This occurred on October 2, 1977.

Taken in its original context, that is, as an act of sudden exuberance among athletes on the field of play, I have no problem with the High Five.

However, for better or for worse, the High Five is now a mainstream phenomenon.

The following quote attributed to Jon Mooallem and Abdul-Jalil al-Hakim illustrates the High Five's evolution into the mainstream and is a good place to start when discussing its use outside of the athletic spectrum:

"The high five liberated everybody. It gave you permission to enjoy your high points. And not just in sports but at your kid’s spelling bee or your office after a killer PowerPoint presentation."

What?

The writers of the previous paragraph would have us believe that the High Five (as a quasi liberator) is a modern day Emancipation Proclamation that entitles all of us to slap hands  in all sorts of situations. I can imagine the following:

"Here comes the #17 bus to Omaha!" (HIGH FIVE)

"I just got my flu shot!" (HIGH FIVE)

"My cat coughed up a hair ball!" (HIGH FIVE)

"I'm scheduled for a colonoscopy next week!" (HIGH FIVE)

I argue that these examples aren't very far from reality. Note: it was my fervent hope that Covid-19 would put an end to the High Five. Alas, I was wrong.

If you have surmised that I'm not a big fan of the mainstream use of the High Five, you are correct. My disenchantment began at a Jimmy Buffett concert some years ago when two age twenty-something brutes who were sitting in front of my wife and I executed massive, dislocate-your-shoulder-elbow-and-wrist High Fives at the start of each song. I was betting that the ambulances would appear upon the start of "Margaritaville". Thankfully that didn't happen.

Nonetheless, when at a sporting event, concert, bar or any other place where people gather, there is a high likelihood of being subjected to a raised hand being held on high in search of another hand to complete the High Five.

A question: how does one (politely or not) turn down a High Five? A method that I've used is to put my hands in my pockets and turn my eyes away, pretenting not to see the hand that is within inches of my face. That usually works on all but the most insistent High Fivers. Here's another idea: those of us who would like to opt out of this practice should charge for our services. To that end, here's an idea that can't miss:

If you like the idea, throw me a High Five...and PayPal me a buck.

Readers, enjoy your day.