TOURIST TOWNS

Have you ever lived in a tourist town? No? Consider yourself lucky. Imagine your town taken over by hoards of people, notably 75 year-old men wearing tank tops, sandals and knee-high socks; unsupervised children running madly through the streets; fourteen year-old girls whose attention is devoted to their smart phones.

These are but minor annoyances compared with that of a particularly sinister group of schmucks who invade tourist towns from Memorial Day through Labor Day.

There's a name for these people who will likely become the next key demographic group. They are called:

ELBOWNIANS.

Just walk down the main street of any tourist town. On every block of sidewalk appears a group or more of Elbownians. They're easy to spot. They stand in the middle of the sidewalk gazing at points of interest with their hands on their considerable hips, elbows extended, thereby blocking other pedestrians from passing.

I've always wondered what happens to Elbownians once Labor Day arrives and they magically disappear. Perhaps they undergo a metamorphosis, spinning a cocoon around themselves and emerging a week later as an even more sinister force:

New England Patriots fans.

Readers, enjoy your day.