SUPER BOWL

I have a love/hate relationship with the Super Bowl. Love the game/hate the side show. Every year it gets more extravagant - more fireworks, more commercials, more Beyonce at halftime.

Barf.

I really and truly wish that they would broadcast the Super Bowl as a pay-per-view event with no commercials and a standard 15-minute halftime break. How much would I pay? I would gladly pay $100 to watch the game without the fluff that has become the reality of this event. Maybe instead of Beyonce at halftime they could show a simple message on the screen  that says "INTERMISSION" to give people the chance to catch their breath and take a potty break. Plus, we wouldn't have to listen to Howie, Jimmy, Joey, Larry, Billy, Dopey and Sleepy analyze every second of the first half.

Did I say $100 for pay-per-view? Do I hear $200?

Without belaboring this next point, I'd venture a bet that the most heard statement during Super Bowl parties is:

EVERYBODY KEEP QUIET - I WANT TO HEAR THE COMMERCIALS!!!!!!!!!!!

Did I say $200 for pay-per-view? Do I hear $300?

Plus, I'd like to see the game played in a real stadium. You know, the ones with real grass and real mud and real weather, not some wussy-dome in Dallas or New Orleans.

Here's an idea: how about a Super Bowl played in Green Bay's Lambeau Field? I can see Vince Lombardi and his wonderful, toothy grin looking down and smiling as I'm typing this. 

Lambeau Field with its 72,928 seats frozen solid.

Lambeau Field where even 120 proof brandy freezes in minutes. 

Lambeau Field where sissies needn't apply.

There is hope along these lines; the 2014 Super Bowl will be played in East Rutherford, New Jersey.

I can live with that.

Readers, enjoy your day.