AN ADVENTURE IN MOVING

Picture this: you're driving down the interstate heading somewhere (it doesn't matter where). Ahead you see one of the ubiquitous U-Haul trailers that litter the highways. Emblazoned on the back, sides and probably the top of the trailer are the words "An Adventure in Moving".

Anyone who has ever moved would be annoyed by these words. You see, moving may be a lot of things but an "adventure"? Naw. Maybe that's why U-Haul ditched the phrase some years ago.

Truth be known, the wife and I are in the midst of a move, - "relocation", if you will. It is (get this) our ninth move in 35 years of marriage.

That averages out to less than four years per dwelling. That's really sick. There are people in witness relocation programs who have moved fewer times than we have.

On the flip side, in our many moves we have lived in the plains, mountains, desert and along the coast. We have enjoyed the company of some amazing and interesting friends, eaten some incredible local food and seen a variety of places that few others have seen.

Yes, at times the moves themselves have been pretty miserable. But, admittedly, U-Haul may have a point.

Moving is, indeed, an adventure.

Readers, enjoy your day.

"FAMILY" PET

The wife and I lost our dog "Scooter" last June. We bid goodbye to him when we learned that he was suffering from cancer. Please keep in mind before you read further that this will not be one of those sad tales about how a pet is taken away from this earth way too early, blah, blah, blah.

This story is about a practice that otherwise well-meaning people commonly do after people experience the loss of a pet.

Since we lost Scooter, we have been asked one or more of the following questions on numerous occasions:

First, the probing, uncertain question:

"Are you going to have another dog?"

Next, the nearly foregone conclusion question:

"When are you going to have another dog?"

Lastly, the it's going to happen for sure question:

"When you do have another dog, what kind of dog will you have?'"

Let's think for a moment of how most pet lovers view their pets. Pets are part of their families. That said, a pet, albeit to a lesser degree, occupies a place in a family not dissimilar to that of its prime members (husbands, wives, siblings, etc.).

Now, think about a man who has lost a loved one, a family member - a wife, for example. Let's substitute the word "wife" in the previous three commonly-asked questions and see how that feels:

"Are you going to have another wife?"

"When are you going to have another wife?"

"When you do have another wife, what kind of wife will you have?"

Sounds pretty cruel, doesn't it?

Readers, enjoy your day.

LOSING A FRIEND

He's been close to me for so many years.

Now he's gone.

But, oh, the times we spent together were so memorable.

He was always there when I went to sleep at night and there again when I would wake. A bastion of friendship the likes of which I have never known. Seeing him decline over the years has been terribly painful. Reminding myself that "life is too short" is small consolation for the sadness that I feel.

It all started out so wonderful when he first came into my life. He was a beautiful member of a unique breed - one that brings comfort and joy to those lucky enough to own such a prize. I named him "Mr. Floppy" because his most unique characteristic was, well, his floppyness. In short, he was the goofiest thing you've ever seen.

But his internal mechanisms could no longer support him and I was forced to make a terribly difficult decision.

He is no longer.

A day later, now that Mr. Floppy is gone I have moved on and have already replaced him. While his replacement is adequate, he will never soothe the loss of my good friend.

You see, I have owned some great pillows in my life, but they were never as comfortable a pillow as Mr. Floppy.

Readers, enjoy your day.

CUSTOMER SERVICE

Wow! I'm blown away by the excellent customer service that I received this afternoon. After many years of interacting with indifferent workers at various stores, I finally found a place where I was greeted by a happy employee who was knowledgeable and enthusiastic about their products. It went something like this:

Employee: Good afternoon and welcome!

Me: Thank you.

Employee: How may I help you?

Me: I'm looking for a birthday present for a buddy of mine. He's a big fan of your store.

Employee: Wonderful! I probably know him. What's his name?

Me: John Smith*.

* Not his real name.

Employee: Yes, I know John real well and I know just what he would like. Here are a few things that would be perfect for his birthday.

Me: Wow! You really know your products and customers.

Employee: I do my best.

Me: Help me out. Which of these would you recommend?

Employee: This one for sure! Plus, it's 25% off today.

Before I left the store, this amazing employee took the time to ask me my name and where I lived.

All in all, it was refreshing to interact with someone so friendly and courteous who not only knew their products but was enthusiastic about them. Strangely enough, I left happier than when I arrived.

So, if you are looking for a pleasant, friendly shopping experience, do what I did - shop at a marijuana store.

Readers, enjoy your day.

HALLMARK CHRISTMAS MOVIES

Hallmark Christmas Movies are a lot like re-runs of Mister Ed - incredibly schlocky but people watch them anyway. The plots are all basically the same. Boy/girl has girl/boy friend; said boy/girl friend is o.k. but is not "the one". Along comes "the one" - a cousin/brother/co-worker, etc. of the girl/boy friend and things happen, and voila! a Christmas romance with, of course, "the one".

Awwwwwwww. Pass the tissues.

Take a guess at how many Hallmark Christmas movies have been filmed?

According to IMDb - 174. Do you realize that that's slightly more than all the "Rocky" and "Rambo" films combined?

In perusing the list of Hallmark Christmas movies there are an extensive number that fall into the "A ________ for Christmas" genre. These include*:

A Boyfriend for Christmas
A Wish for Christmas
A Crown for Christmas
A Bride for Christmas
A Family for Christmas
A Grandpa for Christmas
A Song for Christmas

* This is an actual list.

Beyond these movie titles we should also take note of the characters in the Hallmark Christmas Movies. The men are handsome but never overly sexy (and they have good jobs) and the women are all pretty and generally blonde but not blonde enough to be hampered by blonde stereotypes (and they have good jobs).

The interesting part is "good jobs". I suppose that it creates greater audience appeal among viewers who also have good jobs...

...and can afford a $7.50 Hallmark Christmas card.

Readers, enjoy your holidays.

HUGHES RUDD

Both of my readers may have never heard of Hughes Rudd. Here is a brief bio from Wikipedia:

Hughes Day Rudd was a television journalist and CBS News correspondent. Rudd was known for his folksy style, gravelly voice, and unimposing sense of humor, often ending his newscasts with human interest stories that sometimes made him break into a chuckle on camera.

I always enjoyed his home spun wisdom and style of reporting the news. On occasion he would tell a joke, one of which I have never forgotten. The timing of the joke during mid-term elections seems appropriate.

The joke goes something like this:

A U.S. politician running for office takes some time to visit a Native American reservation in the Southwest U.S. He talks to the chief and asks permission to speak to the whole tribe. The chief agrees and assembles the tribe. The politician stands in front of the tribe and begins his election pitch:

"If elected I will insure that all Native Americans receive free college tuition."

The tribe responds with excited chants of "ooom-galla-galla, ooom-galla-galla".

Feeling emboldened by this reaction, the politician continues:

"If elected I will insure that all Native Americans will receive adequate
compensation for past broken treaties."

The tribe again responds with excited chants of "ooom-galla-galla, ooom-galla-galla".

Feeling that he has the tribe in the palm of his hand the politician now states:

"If elected all Native Americans will receive free health care."

The tribe, whipped up into a frenzy, responds with more excited chants of "ooom-galla-galla, ooom-galla-galla".

After the politician's speech to the tribe, the chief asked the politician to come and view the tribe's very successful cattle operation. Both he and the chief walked through a wide field where the chief showed the politician the many hundreds of cattle that the tribe used to sustain their existence. The politician was absolutely blown away by this and asked the chief many questions about the business end of the tribe's cattle enterprise.

The chief, noticing that the politician was not looking where he was walking, turned to him and said:

"Be careful - don't step in the ooom-galla-galla."

------------

(Please vote in the mid-term elections. That's no ooom-galla-galla.)

Readers, enjoy your day.

FAILURE

I'm devastated.

It happened two days ago. It was a day that I will never forget - June 3rd, 2018.

Remember that date. It is a date that will live in infamy. It was the date of my greatest failure.

All my life I have wanted to complete a full marathon - all 26.2 miles. I have trained for one numerous times and each time I have sustained injuries which have prevented my participation in this coveted event. Instead, I have been a spectator, watching with envy as those whose bodies were much more forgiving than mine were able to complete this grueling event.

It has taken me many years to finally uncover the issue that has inhibited me from finishing a marathon. Realistically, the problem was staring me right in the face.

The problem was training.

Logically, if one is getting injured during training thus keeping them from competing, the answer to this problem is to not train at all. That should at very least get one to the start line and, with some good fortune, to the finish line. To that end, this year at age 69 may be my last chance given the reality of the onslaught of old age "stuff".

So I chose the North Olympic Discovery Marathon to be my last shot at this coveted prize. The race runs from Blyn, Washington to Port Angeles, Washington along the Olympic Discovery Trail.

So, with a minimal training regimen which involved walking Scooter around the block twice a day plus one trip to the mailbox (not including Sundays and holidays) I found myself at the start line of my event with two goals in mind:

1. To finish the event.
2. To finish dead last.

As I went past the starting line at 6:00 a.m. on June 3rd, I witnessed the procession of people around me promptly leaving me in the dust. By mile three the pack of runners, walkers and wanna-be's like me was gone and nowhere to be seen. Looking behind me I could see no one. My last place victory was in my clutches - all I had to do was finish. That was easier said than done.

Mile 8 brought on self-doubt (I'll call the wife to come pick me up)
Mile 13 brought on frustration (I'm not even halfway there)
Mile 18 brought on amazement (I've daydreamed past the last 2 miles)
Mile 22 brought on hope (I might just do this)
Mile 25 brought on happiness (The wife called me. In tears I proclaimed "Honey, I'm going to do this!")
Mile 26 brought on severe soreness in all parts of my aging body
The finish line brought on relief and the realization that I had met both of my goals - finishing and finishing dead last.

7 hours, 53 minutes and 45 seconds

Victory was mine.

As I was quaffing a beer at the finish line and talking with the race director I peered at the finish line relishing the incredible feeling of completing the event that had eluded me for many years. In the distance I saw two figures approaching.

It can't be! I've failed miserably - I didn't finish last.

Failure is a tough thing to face.

Readers, enjoy your day.