FISHING

I love catching fish but I hate fishing. You know the drill - you stand on the shore and toss lures at salmon who generally ignore them. Odd that all of the fishing lure manufacturers use the same language when advertising their products:

DRIVES SALMON CRAZY!!

I think that they mean that the salmon go crazy laughing at the stupid things that we throw at them to get them to bite. Here on the Strait of Juan de Fuca, I am the most unsuccessful fisherman in history, having spent many hours tossing useless lures into the ocean with nothing to show for it. People ask me where the best fishing is in town and I tell them "at the local grocery store".

When I was a kid there was a Saturday afternoon fishing show featuring an older man named Gadabout Gaddis. He called himself "the flying fisherman" because he was a licensed pilot and had a float plane which he would land at choice, remote lakes. The fishing was always fantastic and Gaddis would head home with a plane load of fish. I've always envied him.

The key to being a successful fisherman is twofold: patience and having a lot of time to kill. I spoke to one fisherman the other day and asked him how the fishing was. He said it was "terrific". I asked him how many he caught. He said "one". I asked him how long he had been there. He said "8 hours".

I'd love to be able to waste that much time but what about my afternoon soap opera? What about my nap? What about free Tuesday tacos at the senior center?

That said, you can expect to see the following ad in the local Craig's List:

FOR SALE:

SALMON FISHING EQUIPMENT IN GOOD SHAPE. SHIMANO 410 REEL WITH 12 LB. LINE. "UGLY STICK" ROD (8 1/2' LENGTH) ASSORTED LURES AND OTHER MISCELLANEOUS GEAR.

TRUTH IN ADVERTISING: NONE OF THIS EQUIPMENT WORKS AND HAS NEVER CAUGHT ONE SALMON DESPITE MANY HOURS OF USE.

PRICE IS NEGOTIABLE - HIGHLY MOTIVATED SELLER.

Readers, enjoy your day.