DANCING

Women love to dance. Most men tolerate it. But there are exceptions. I have a friend we'll call "Eddie" (because that's his real name). The guy's a dancing maniac, traveling all over the country to go dancing. He's a good-looking guy with a steady, well-paying job, and he doesn't drink, smoke or use Aqua Velva.

And he can't get a steady date. More about that later.

Now, on to my life. The wife loves to dance and I oblige her when she makes it clear that it's dance or pork and beans for a week. At last night's concert I knew I was in trouble when the band started singing "...and I would walk 500 miles and I would walk 500 more"... In all, we danced to two songs. Under normal circumstances, barring the playing of 500 miles, I should be covered until 2017.

Now back to my friend, Eddie.

Eddie gets a date every now and then but, like the boxer Apollo Creed wearing out his sparring partners, Eddie wears out these women on the dance floor. After a few dates their legs simply give out from dancing three nights in a row. In absolute fatigue, they beg for an evening of staying home and watching TV. But Eddie already has another dance lined up. In utter fatigue they kindly tell him that "this just isn't working out".

There's a valuable lesson to be learned here. Sadly, rather than now, I should have learned this lesson 30 years ago. Recognizing that every person has his/her breaking point, Eddie is really on to something. If a guy is dating a woman who loves to dance, he should make it clear that it's all he wants to do. At first she'll think she died and went to heaven but soon will realize that she's in a living hell. Within a few days, much like Eddie's short-term girlfriends, she'll be begging for the dancing to be over.

A smart guy will oblige, and the woman, who for fear of re-opening the gates of hell, will never bring up the subject again.

And they will live happily ever after.


Readers, enjoy your day.