CHRISTMAS GIFTS FOR OLD FARTS

Well, Christmas is over and the decorations have been put away until next year. Now we have 279 days until Halloween - the official start of the 2015 holiday. I can't wait to see what next year's Chia Pet will be. The 2014 Chia pet featured Uncle Si from Duck Dynasty. They sold out before I got to the store - oh, crap.

Speaking of gift-giving, here are some thoughts for both of my readers regarding the types of gifts that are appropriate for old farts, defined as those people who are over 50. First of all, give some thought to what older people want and need and what they already have. In order to do that, go into an old fart's home. Just knock on the door - we all love having company and will let you in even if you tell us that you're "Jack the Ripper".

Once you've entered our domain, take a look around, what do you see?

Clutter.

Yep, we old farts have collected more crap over the years than you could possibly imagine. And, despite its tackiness, we display it proudly...even though we're not particularly fond of it.

That said, please follow some rules this year and beyond for buying Christmas gifts for old farts. I'd like to say that there are a bunch of rules to follow and if I were the NFL rules committee I'd submit a list of a couple hundred. So, keeping it simple, I'll boil it down to one rule:

The gift must disappear within a month of Christmas Day.

Here are some great ideas for disappearing gifts:

Food (think sweet and gooey)
Candles (ones that make our bathrooms smell springtime fresh)
Gift cards
Movie tickets
Oil change cards
Restaurant gift certificates
Music (think Beatles - not Kanye West)

For those of you who ignore these rules and give knick-knacks, pictures, household items, snow shovels, etc., please be sure that next Christmas, old farts will turn the tables and re-gift them back to you.

It's how we go Christmas shopping.


Readers, enjoy your day.