NAME FOR MY DISEASE

There's a name for my foot surgery. On the micro level it's called "putting a podiatrist's kids through college". In a broader sense, however, I call it "hoof and mouth disease". Yes, I'm aware that bovine creatures have a like-named condition but the name seems to fit my present state so I will press on.

To wit:

Yesterday our friend Sally brought over a big pan of brownies - the thick, rich, gooey, tasty ones that podiatrists say you shouldn't eat. Today she brought over some fabulous soda bread. Another friend, Mary, brought over chicken and dumplings and an equally fabulous chocolate cake.

Such is the reason that I have hoof and mouth disease. I sit around nursing my hoof and shoving food in my mouth.

Beyond enjoying culinary delights I sit around the house all day doing nothing and following the directions of the warden* to do nothing besides sit on my ass, drink water, pop medications and use the bathroom as needed.

* wife

Jeez, I haven't had a beer in two days. The last time that I went without beer for two days was in the 70's when I found religion. That was on a Friday and I stayed sober only until noon the next day.

Since my operation I've found ways to occupy my time, especially catching up on the many recorded TV shows that I've been rat-holing away on the DVR for the past few months. I just finished watching a documentary about the seedier side of the Catholic church, the church in which I was raised. I feel guilty having watched it. Is there a connection?

Other recorded shows include many nature show classics - "Rats of Madagascar", "Undersea Adventures starring Pamela Anderson" and "The Wonders of New Jersey" to name a few. There are lots of shows about jails on the tube for some reason and I've recorded a few of them, none particularly memorable, except for the one entitled "Welcome to San Quentin".

Two more weeks before my foot is back to normal. If you are in the neighborhood, stop by and visit; I would love some company.

Just look for the house with the sign on the front door that says "Welcome to San Quentin".

Readers, enjoy your day.