U.S. Patent and Copyright Office
Washington, D.C. 20001
Washington, D.C. 20001
To Whom it May Concern:
This letter represents my application for a patent and copyright for a new, innovative product. I came up with this original idea while killing rodents in my backyard today.
Some background information:
I have lived in numerous areas of these United States and, in each and every one of them, I have never seen nor experienced the effects of the rodent known as a mole (Scapanus townsendii). Here is a picture of this creature:
Here in Washington we are overrun with these miserable critters. They make numerous holes and destroy yards by the thousands. They are constant burrowers, digging as deep as 35 feet in their ever-constant search for grubs and worms to eat. You might notice that they have no eyes. Scientists say that they don't need eyes because they spend their whole lives below ground and thus, do not need them. Myself, I think that they lack eyes because they're so damned ugly - if a male and female mole saw how ugly each one was, they would never mate.
While thinking of ways to eradicate this nuisance, my mind drifted to a gift that I received as a child and still is sold to this day - The Ant Farm, pictured here:
As a kid, I treasured my Ant Farm and spent many hours watching these busy creatures working away at doing whatever ants do. This led to a lifetime of enjoying watching other people work while I sat on my ass.
Anyway, The Ant Farm made me think of something that we could do with moles that would help society observe, and thereby better understand these maligned animals. The idea is similar to The Ant Farm but on a much larger scale. My working name for this product is The Mole Farm. The product consists of two 8 x 10 foot pieces of reinforced glass with which a home owner replaces the drywall and studs in a room of their home. The space between the two panes of glass is then filled with dirt. The last part of this product is the mating pair of moles that are also sent via UPS to the homeowner once he/she has notified us that the Mole Farm is constructed in the home and filled with dirt. The two moles are introduced to the Farm via a small sliding glass door.
Then the fun begins.
Imagine the enjoyment of watching these furry critters burrowing away in The Mole Farm. As entertaining as The Ant Farm was, The Mole Farm will be a delight to all members of the family, to the exclusion of video games, TV, cell phones and Words With Friends.
We are estimating sales to at least 100 million U.S. homes which should partially eradicate moles from my backyard.
Further information about this product idea including mock-ups, artwork, advertising and product prototypes are currently in development and will be forthcoming.
Lastly, the building of our first Mole Farm prototype will be completed once I have run the idea past the wife. You will hear from me again pending her approval of the first Mole Farm in the wall of our current living room. I have no time frame on securing this approval.
In short, it may take a while.
************************
Readers, enjoy your day.
Here in Washington we are overrun with these miserable critters. They make numerous holes and destroy yards by the thousands. They are constant burrowers, digging as deep as 35 feet in their ever-constant search for grubs and worms to eat. You might notice that they have no eyes. Scientists say that they don't need eyes because they spend their whole lives below ground and thus, do not need them. Myself, I think that they lack eyes because they're so damned ugly - if a male and female mole saw how ugly each one was, they would never mate.
While thinking of ways to eradicate this nuisance, my mind drifted to a gift that I received as a child and still is sold to this day - The Ant Farm, pictured here:
Anyway, The Ant Farm made me think of something that we could do with moles that would help society observe, and thereby better understand these maligned animals. The idea is similar to The Ant Farm but on a much larger scale. My working name for this product is The Mole Farm. The product consists of two 8 x 10 foot pieces of reinforced glass with which a home owner replaces the drywall and studs in a room of their home. The space between the two panes of glass is then filled with dirt. The last part of this product is the mating pair of moles that are also sent via UPS to the homeowner once he/she has notified us that the Mole Farm is constructed in the home and filled with dirt. The two moles are introduced to the Farm via a small sliding glass door.
Then the fun begins.
Imagine the enjoyment of watching these furry critters burrowing away in The Mole Farm. As entertaining as The Ant Farm was, The Mole Farm will be a delight to all members of the family, to the exclusion of video games, TV, cell phones and Words With Friends.
We are estimating sales to at least 100 million U.S. homes which should partially eradicate moles from my backyard.
Further information about this product idea including mock-ups, artwork, advertising and product prototypes are currently in development and will be forthcoming.
Lastly, the building of our first Mole Farm prototype will be completed once I have run the idea past the wife. You will hear from me again pending her approval of the first Mole Farm in the wall of our current living room. I have no time frame on securing this approval.
In short, it may take a while.
************************
Readers, enjoy your day.
Huh! All you need for getting rid of moles is a low key miniature schnauzer like our Bella (low key miniature schnauzer is an oxymoron, by the way). When we bought the lake house, that yard was a field of burrowed up paths, showing where the moles had enjoyed their underground lives, obviously undisturbed by the previous owners. Bella arrived and she was in mole heaven for the summers we had on the lake. She'd head to the yard each morning, returning for lunch covered in muck up to her neck. She'd spend her afternoons the same way and enjoy (and hate) a dip in the lake when the day was done. That dog slept well every night, and by the time we sold the house I'm sure there was not a mole left for miles.
ReplyDeleteWe got used to looking out to the yard to see Bella with a special something in her mouth, shaking and slamming it into mole heaven. She is good.
I'd rent Bella to you real cheap, but now she is on snake duty, among the many rock walls of the granite mountain we call a back yard. She's kinda busy right now.