LEADER OF THE LAUNDROMAT

Anybody remember the '60's song "Leader of the Laundromat"? I didn't think so. It was a spoof of the song "Leader of the Pack" by an all - female band called the Shangri-Las. Plug those titles into YouTube if you care to give them a listen.

Anyway, today my exciting life finds me sitting in a laundromat doing a small load of clothes. Are my washer and dryer broken? No, they work just fine. I'm just here on a nostalgic journey back to the days when I was in college (a boldface lie). Back then I used to make my weekly journey to the local "washeteria". In the town where I went to college (not the one I graduated from, the one I was asked to leave) there was the world's greatest laundromat. Picture a local tavern with the obligatory stools facing a bar. Behind those bar stools was a row of washers and dryers. A 12-ounce draught beer was the same price as a load of laundry, 25 cents. A dryer would cost the same as a bag of chips, 10 cents.

Those were the days.

The only drawback to this bar/laundromat was that your clothes always smelled like tobacco and stale beer. College students, however, paid little attention to such trivialities.

One thing that hasn't changed over the years is the character of people who frequent laundromats - simple, honest, genuine folks. In reality, laundromat people tend to be very secretive, covering the garments with plastic so as to hide their identity. But, "why the secrecy?", I've always wondered.

At this point I'd like to say that I met the wife at a laundromat as that would serve to juice up my story a bit.

Oh, hell, I'll do it anyway.

"Do you have an extra quarter?" asked the attractive young woman in the laundromat. "Sorry, I just spent my last quarter on a glass of Schlitz", said the slovenly college student who was in his underwear because his only pair of pants were in the washer.

And that's how we met.

Not really. We really met at a gas station - not quite as interesting as a laundromat but not too bad.

Readers, enjoy your day.

FISHING

I love catching fish but I hate fishing. You know the drill - you stand on the shore and toss lures at salmon who generally ignore them. Odd that all of the fishing lure manufacturers use the same language when advertising their products:

DRIVES SALMON CRAZY!!

I think that they mean that the salmon go crazy laughing at the stupid things that we throw at them to get them to bite. Here on the Strait of Juan de Fuca, I am the most unsuccessful fisherman in history, having spent many hours tossing useless lures into the ocean with nothing to show for it. People ask me where the best fishing is in town and I tell them "at the local grocery store".

When I was a kid there was a Saturday afternoon fishing show featuring an older man named Gadabout Gaddis. He called himself "the flying fisherman" because he was a licensed pilot and had a float plane which he would land at choice, remote lakes. The fishing was always fantastic and Gaddis would head home with a plane load of fish. I've always envied him.

The key to being a successful fisherman is twofold: patience and having a lot of time to kill. I spoke to one fisherman the other day and asked him how the fishing was. He said it was "terrific". I asked him how many he caught. He said "one". I asked him how long he had been there. He said "8 hours".

I'd love to be able to waste that much time but what about my afternoon soap opera? What about my nap? What about free Tuesday tacos at the senior center?

That said, you can expect to see the following ad in the local Craig's List:

FOR SALE:

SALMON FISHING EQUIPMENT IN GOOD SHAPE. SHIMANO 410 REEL WITH 12 LB. LINE. "UGLY STICK" ROD (8 1/2' LENGTH) ASSORTED LURES AND OTHER MISCELLANEOUS GEAR.

TRUTH IN ADVERTISING: NONE OF THIS EQUIPMENT WORKS AND HAS NEVER CAUGHT ONE SALMON DESPITE MANY HOURS OF USE.

PRICE IS NEGOTIABLE - HIGHLY MOTIVATED SELLER.

Readers, enjoy your day.