The wife asked me some years ago what I was passionate about in life. It took me a while to answer that question. I don't recall what I said but it made me think about my life and passions over the following months and years. Truthfully, I have never fully answered that question.
Until today.
Today represented a true milestone in my life - an awakening, a born again experience of Biblical proportions. I now know my purpose in life.
To rewind a bit, during each of our relocations over the past 30 years I have been dissatisfied with one facet of each of our homes. Despite the expense and the wife's protestations, I have in each home made a quantum leap in home improvement. This leap is particularly satisfying, especially today due to the fact that I was able to complete the task in two hours* and it involved only one trip to the hardware store**.
* The manual said that it would take 45 minutes.
** Three trips is the norm.
Although unusual, my passion in life lies in the realm of garbage disposals. American home builders should hang their heads in shame that they install cheap, wimpy 1/2 horsepower units into our homes. The truth is that most people have never experienced the true joy of a high-end one-horsepower gem of a garbage disposal. Instead, we flip the switch, run the water, throw in the garbage, then wait for the 1/2 horsepower Wimpmaster disposal to noisily grind the leftovers. A half-hour later, left to its own devices, a 1/2 horsepower unit will still be spinning the garbage around, much like a Coney Island amusement park ride.
Before you read any further, I would like for both of my readers to go to their kitchen sink, look in the cabinet beneath the sink and assess how many horsepower their disposal unit is. One-half horsepower? That's what I thought.
Today I replaced the Wimpmaster with one that is guaranteed to get the job done. It's marketed as The Bone Crusher and promises to decimate the remains of a North Carolina-style pig pickin' in a matter of seconds. Whoooosh. I've even read in the instruction manual that there's a recorded message emitted by the machine that states "is that the best you've got?" once you throw in your weekly pile of food waste. Indeed, The Bone Crusher is not a machine to be messed with.
But it needs to be put to the ultimate test.
The real test of a garbage disposal is to see if it can handle a pound of shrimp shells, a 1/2 dozen banana peels and potato peels from four large spuds...thrown in all at once.
I'm planning on having a get-together with friends to demonstrate this monumental achievement and share in my spiritual awakening.
You're invited. Bring some garbage.
Readers, enjoy your day.
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