HEALTH

Once one magically is transformed into an old fart, things start to change. I'm not talking about bodily stuff that ceases to function, it's how wives abuse their husbands. This abuse, for some reason, happens on a husband's birthday when the wife is reminded that her "old man" is truly an "old man". So, while having my birthday dinner at a local establishment it was time for the wife to remind me (scold, actually) that I need a physical and a colonoscopy this year because I weaseled out of them last year. The latter of these is something that I will not bore both of my readers with, but I must address getting a physical.

First of all, however, despite the medical community's many attempts to kill me over the years, I have survived and am the picture of good health. I have cut my beer consumption in half....where I used to drink four cans of beer a day, I now drink only two. Truthfully, it's because of the fact that I now drink two Keystone Light 24 ounce cans rather than four of the the 12 ounce cans.

Before I resume ragging about getting a physical, a heads-up to my readers. I'm having foot surgery on February 24th and will post pictures of the ugly mess on this blog once the bandages are removed. (Images may be disturbing to some viewers - viewer discretion is advised). The great news is that I can do nothing for three days. Come to think about it, that's really nothing out of the ordinary. During that time I intend to write the usual drivel that my readers have come to loathe while enjoying a pain pill chased with a 24 ounce Keystone Light. Should be interesting though highly incoherent.

Lastly, let me rag a bit about getting a physical. Guys will know what I am talking about here. During the physical the doctor does something that is so utterly revolting, disgusting and inhuman. I'm already dreading this absolutely terrible act of intrusion. Going through this is the very definition of humiliation yet the medical community seems to revel in subjecting its patients to this immoral act.

I should stop beating this to death and name the act in question:

They weigh us.


Readers, enjoy your day.