I HAVE TERRIBLE GAS PAINS

Man, it's the worst I've ever had...and PAINFUL...you can't imagine. Every fifteen seconds or so it hits me...here it comes again...ARGGGGGHHHH....jeez, it hurts.

GAS is a terrible thing to have. In my case it is debilitating. I can't do anything until I cure it. It has completely taken over my life, so badly that I can't walk the dogs or clean the house. Honey, you're going to have to fill in for me on the house cleaning this week, I need to deal with this GAS before I can function properly.

It started a few weeks ago and I, being brought up in a Catholic family, have chosen to suffer rather than deal with it. Why? Because that's what Catholics do, suffering being good for the soul in the words of my sainted mother.

It's to the point that I can barely sleep. No amount of Ambien or even Keystone Light will help me. I'd try both at once but the Keystone Light would kill the Ambien buzz.

The suffering must stop. I must spill it, to my wife if not to the whole world. So, I've decided to tell both people who read my blog about my GAS pains.

First GAS is not "gas". Secondly, GAS pains hurt much more than "gas" pains. Am I making sense? No? My apologies.

Sigh.

GAS, as any guitarist will tell you, is a syndrome known only to the players of this wonderful instrument. GAS hits occasionally and one must give in to the forces of GAS. To explain fully, "G.A.S." stands for "Guitar Acquisition Syndrome." I'm not making this up. Ask any guitarist if he or she has GAS and they will probably tell you that, yes, they have it and, yes, they are dealing with it. Sadly, acquiring a guitar of choice is the only cure for this debilitating condition. Nothing else works.

After acquiring an Epiphone Dove guitar for Christmas, my GAS was cured. Or so I thought. My long-term philosophy was to have no more than four guitars, the number which I currently have. I still believe that I will stick to that charter. I heard a Martin 00-15M on YouTube the other day and, yes, I have GAS again.

So, to make room for a new #4 I must "thin the herd" (as we say) by selling one of my existing guitars. That's an easy choice - the 12-string which gets the least amount of play time of the four will be the one sacrificed as a cure, albeit a temporary one, for my GAS.

I feel better already. The GAS is dissipating.


Readers, enjoy your day.