...is gone.
There, I said it.
Actually, the true meaning of Christmas, at least for me, has been overshadowed by the commercial exploitation of this wonderful holiday. Black Friday, Christmas tunes being played on the radio the day after Halloween, Cyber Monday, retail sales reports, etc. have all contributed to my general indifference toward Christmas. The wonderful Christmas music specials of Andy Williams, Perry Como, John Denver and others have been replaced by Mariah Carey singing off-key. Christmas used to be about simple gift giving; now advertisers have thrown the purchase of luxury automobiles into the mix.
I wonder what the Maji would think if they were to return and see what has become of the holiday that they innocently started by their simple gifts to a newborn child and his family.
I dare say that they would be repulsed.
In my old age I have come to realize that I cannot and should not scorn or otherwise influence the actions of others. That said, the commercialization of Christmas is something that I/we must live with.
This, however, does not prevent me from enjoying a meaningful Christmas that is more in line with the true spirit of the holiday, its traditions and what it is all about. In searching my soul for the true meaning of Christmas I have effectively brushed aside the barrage of advertising the incessant blare of banal holiday tunes. My mind has been cleared of all negative or cynical feelings.
I am celebrating what Christmas is all about.
It's all about the food.
Readers, enjoy your Christmas.
Wednesday, December 10, 2014
Monday, November 3, 2014
DODGE DART
While watching my normal 16 hours of football this past weekend (clarification: that doesn't include Friday or Sunday), I took notice of advertising for the 2015 Dodge Dart. In short, it's a really cool, stylish car; one that a Hollywood type might be seen driving. Here's a picture:
I'll bet that the interior is plush and the stereo is beyond compare. A guy couldn't help but score with the babes driving a hot number like the 2015 Dodge Dart.
My first car was a Dodge Dart.
A 1964 Dodge Dart. Here's a picture:
Cool car? Nope. Cool stereo? It was before the days of stereos in all but the most exclusive automobiles. It did, however, have a very dependable AM radio.
One of the unique things about the 1964 Dodge Dart was the automatic transmission. It was one of a kind. Here's a picture:
See those buttons? It was an innovation that Dodge felt was revolutionary - a push-button transmission. For better or for worse, it never caught on. Please take note of the lever to the left of the buttons. That, believe it or not, was the parking gear.
The lever parking gear was a neat feature for an 18-year old's first car. When you had a carload of your buddies stuffed in the car, for laughs you could slow the car to about 5 miles per hour, flip the parking gear lever and bring the car to a dead stop. In so doing, you'd send the guys from the back seat into the front seat.
This was what we did for kicks in the 60's.
Although the '64 Dodge Dart was in no way as cool as the 2015 model, back then, coolness was not about what you drove, it was about who you were.
As for myself, I can honestly say that my nerdy car accurately reflected who I was. The cool guys, however, always envied my ability to send my back-seat buddies careening into the front seat with my parking gear lever.
And that was cool.
Readers, enjoy your day.
I'll bet that the interior is plush and the stereo is beyond compare. A guy couldn't help but score with the babes driving a hot number like the 2015 Dodge Dart.
My first car was a Dodge Dart.
A 1964 Dodge Dart. Here's a picture:
Cool car? Nope. Cool stereo? It was before the days of stereos in all but the most exclusive automobiles. It did, however, have a very dependable AM radio.
One of the unique things about the 1964 Dodge Dart was the automatic transmission. It was one of a kind. Here's a picture:
See those buttons? It was an innovation that Dodge felt was revolutionary - a push-button transmission. For better or for worse, it never caught on. Please take note of the lever to the left of the buttons. That, believe it or not, was the parking gear.
The lever parking gear was a neat feature for an 18-year old's first car. When you had a carload of your buddies stuffed in the car, for laughs you could slow the car to about 5 miles per hour, flip the parking gear lever and bring the car to a dead stop. In so doing, you'd send the guys from the back seat into the front seat.
This was what we did for kicks in the 60's.
Although the '64 Dodge Dart was in no way as cool as the 2015 model, back then, coolness was not about what you drove, it was about who you were.
As for myself, I can honestly say that my nerdy car accurately reflected who I was. The cool guys, however, always envied my ability to send my back-seat buddies careening into the front seat with my parking gear lever.
And that was cool.
Readers, enjoy your day.
Tuesday, September 30, 2014
CAN WE DELETE A WORD?
In a previous issue of West of Denver, I wrote about the need for a re-write of American English. In thinking about our language and its various components, "words", if you will, it is my fondest desire to see one particular word be forever erased. In a manner of speaking, this one particular word turns our society topsy-turvy, keeping us on an always-in-motion treadmill, grabbing for a brass ring that is agonizingly just beyond our reach.
Perfect.
My interest in this word sprung from the frequent use of "perfect" in the media. Truthfully, when I read today that Kim Kardashian's "selfie book" will feature "the PERFECT pout" (I'm not lying), my mind went into overdrive. Take a day out of your life and think about the many ways that the media use the concept of "perfect." I spent a day recently listening for this word and its various manifestations. I listened and watched the media talk about the perfect vacation, wedding, honeymoon, house...and on and on. First of all, from my perspective, nothing is perfect. Thus, placing a "perfect" label on things which are inherently imperfect is illogical. But the media presses on.
I've noticed that the things that the media dishes out as "perfect" are normally costly items. Indeed, I've never heard them talk about the perfect trash can, coffee maker, pillow or dog food. It always seems to be things which require a substantial outlay of cash. Given the fact that the media's sole purpose is to generate revenue for its sponsors....hmmmm, this has to be the connection.
So folks, let's all band together and erase this meaningless word from our vocabulary.
It makes perfect sense.
Readers, enjoy your day.
Tuesday, September 16, 2014
TOILET PAPER
In my previous sermon I took Germany to task over the roughness of its toilet paper. I meant no disrespect toward Germany or its people in the article to which I am referring. Quite the contrary, I truly admire those who can use German toilet paper without being injured.
While on the subject of toilet paper, in one of the German towns which we visited, in the hotel where we stayed there was a most interesting toilet paper dispenser hung in its usual spot in the bathroom. Being taken by the ingeniousness of its design, I sat in said bathroom for an extended stay, marveling at a true, harmonious blending of functional design and artistic creation.
To those of my two readers who may be thinking that there is a punch line coming, it isn't. I was truly 100% taken with the design of this toilet paper dispenser.
Here is a picture of the item in question:
You will observe that this attractive item not only holds an "active" roll but also a backup. That's important to us guys because we always catch hell from our wives when we leave the roll empty. This eliminates that possibility and, as such, saves marriages.
After spending a fair amount of time examining this device, I looked for a name, phone number, website or anything else which would direct me to its manufacturer. All that I found was the word "Ille" embossed in inconspicuous letters on the item. I quickly grabbed a pen and jotted down this name for future use.
Upon arriving home yesterday after a marathon 10-hour flight with 350 of my closest friends, I perused the Internet, searching for the word "Ille". Much like the discovery of the New World, "Ille" appeared on my Google search.
I had found it.
"Ille" is a paper company in Germany that, in fact, sells the product in question. The product is called the "Wave Willy Toilet Paper Holder". In my opinion, that's a pretty lousy name for such an elegant product, but that's what it's called nonetheless.
I wrote to the company requesting whether they had dealers in the U.S. (they don't) and if they ship to the U.S. (they do). They cost about $30 each. Another $30 apiece for shipping will get you your own Wave Willy Toilet Paper Holder for the princely sum of $60 each.
Despite being smitten with the design and functionality of this product, I've decided to take my chances catching hell from the wife about leaving the roll empty rather than shelling out $60 for my very own "Willy".
Despite my decision to not purchase one, I still think that it's a heck of a great idea.
Readers, enjoy your day.
While on the subject of toilet paper, in one of the German towns which we visited, in the hotel where we stayed there was a most interesting toilet paper dispenser hung in its usual spot in the bathroom. Being taken by the ingeniousness of its design, I sat in said bathroom for an extended stay, marveling at a true, harmonious blending of functional design and artistic creation.
To those of my two readers who may be thinking that there is a punch line coming, it isn't. I was truly 100% taken with the design of this toilet paper dispenser.
Here is a picture of the item in question:
You will observe that this attractive item not only holds an "active" roll but also a backup. That's important to us guys because we always catch hell from our wives when we leave the roll empty. This eliminates that possibility and, as such, saves marriages.
After spending a fair amount of time examining this device, I looked for a name, phone number, website or anything else which would direct me to its manufacturer. All that I found was the word "Ille" embossed in inconspicuous letters on the item. I quickly grabbed a pen and jotted down this name for future use.
Upon arriving home yesterday after a marathon 10-hour flight with 350 of my closest friends, I perused the Internet, searching for the word "Ille". Much like the discovery of the New World, "Ille" appeared on my Google search.
I had found it.
"Ille" is a paper company in Germany that, in fact, sells the product in question. The product is called the "Wave Willy Toilet Paper Holder". In my opinion, that's a pretty lousy name for such an elegant product, but that's what it's called nonetheless.
I wrote to the company requesting whether they had dealers in the U.S. (they don't) and if they ship to the U.S. (they do). They cost about $30 each. Another $30 apiece for shipping will get you your own Wave Willy Toilet Paper Holder for the princely sum of $60 each.
Despite being smitten with the design and functionality of this product, I've decided to take my chances catching hell from the wife about leaving the roll empty rather than shelling out $60 for my very own "Willy".
Despite my decision to not purchase one, I still think that it's a heck of a great idea.
Readers, enjoy your day.
CHEVY TRUCKS
September 16, 2014
Mr. John Hangel
Vice-President
General Motors
Chevrolet Truck Division
873 GM Boulevard
Detroit, MI 48201
Dear John:
I thought that I would drop you a letter and catch up with you and provide you with some new insights for your pickup truck product line. First of all though, on a personal note, I hope that you, Marge, Andrea and Brittany are doing well. "A & B", as I like to call them, must be 14 and 16 now (?). Seems like yesterday since their Christenings. I take great pride in being their Godfather.
To get to the point of my letter, I must communicate to you what I feel is a fantastic idea for your new line of pickup trucks. Like the approach of all pickup truck advertising, the one that is used by Chevrolet is, honestly, anything but unique and I fear that your brand is being lost amidst the clutter of the other brands which are fighting for uniqueness using what is, in my opinion, a generic approach. Specifically, all pickup truck brands feature truck owners and pickup truck enthusiasts as rough, tough, rugged males - construction men, cowboys, athletes - and, by association, your trucks, take on this spirit of roughness.
This is a lame approach.
And, yes, I am being harshly critical here. If you do not wish to read on, please disregard the remainder of this letter and we will consider this matter closed.
Should you continue reading, the insight that I am herein offering is absolutely unique and will provide your brand with the separation that is needed to make Chevy trucks standout from the rest of the pack. This insight comes from some observations that I have made while the wife and I were in Germany during our recent vacation.
By the way, we had a lovely time and Germany is quite amazing.
What I observed there (which may be of use to the positioning of your products) was a degree of roughness which makes the use of cowboys and construction workers in your advertising seem rather tame. While there, both the wife and I experienced this phenomenon several times a day and both of us agree that this facet of life in Germany redefines roughness and would be a suitable association for Chevy trucks.
The idea to which I am referring is not only real, but very believable and direct.
Accordingly, I feel strongly that your new advertising approach should incorporate the slogan:
"CHEVY TRUCKS: ROUGHER THAN GERMAN TOILET PAPER"
John, I truly hope that you will consider this new positioning for your trucks. The wife and I have experienced toilet paper in Germany and can assure you that there is nothing rougher in the entire world.
I await your call to discuss this proposal. Best to you, Marge and the girls.
Sincerely,
Mark
------------
Readers, enjoy your day.
Mr. John Hangel
Vice-President
General Motors
Chevrolet Truck Division
873 GM Boulevard
Detroit, MI 48201
Dear John:
I thought that I would drop you a letter and catch up with you and provide you with some new insights for your pickup truck product line. First of all though, on a personal note, I hope that you, Marge, Andrea and Brittany are doing well. "A & B", as I like to call them, must be 14 and 16 now (?). Seems like yesterday since their Christenings. I take great pride in being their Godfather.
To get to the point of my letter, I must communicate to you what I feel is a fantastic idea for your new line of pickup trucks. Like the approach of all pickup truck advertising, the one that is used by Chevrolet is, honestly, anything but unique and I fear that your brand is being lost amidst the clutter of the other brands which are fighting for uniqueness using what is, in my opinion, a generic approach. Specifically, all pickup truck brands feature truck owners and pickup truck enthusiasts as rough, tough, rugged males - construction men, cowboys, athletes - and, by association, your trucks, take on this spirit of roughness.
This is a lame approach.
And, yes, I am being harshly critical here. If you do not wish to read on, please disregard the remainder of this letter and we will consider this matter closed.
Should you continue reading, the insight that I am herein offering is absolutely unique and will provide your brand with the separation that is needed to make Chevy trucks standout from the rest of the pack. This insight comes from some observations that I have made while the wife and I were in Germany during our recent vacation.
By the way, we had a lovely time and Germany is quite amazing.
What I observed there (which may be of use to the positioning of your products) was a degree of roughness which makes the use of cowboys and construction workers in your advertising seem rather tame. While there, both the wife and I experienced this phenomenon several times a day and both of us agree that this facet of life in Germany redefines roughness and would be a suitable association for Chevy trucks.
The idea to which I am referring is not only real, but very believable and direct.
Accordingly, I feel strongly that your new advertising approach should incorporate the slogan:
"CHEVY TRUCKS: ROUGHER THAN GERMAN TOILET PAPER"
John, I truly hope that you will consider this new positioning for your trucks. The wife and I have experienced toilet paper in Germany and can assure you that there is nothing rougher in the entire world.
I await your call to discuss this proposal. Best to you, Marge and the girls.
Sincerely,
Mark
------------
Readers, enjoy your day.
Wednesday, August 6, 2014
UNFAITHFULNESS
It has happened. After nearly 30 years of being faithful to the wife, I gave in. Needless to say, she is beyond upset and may never forgive me. I have accepted responsibility for my actions but the pain that I have caused is massive. Our lives will probably never be the same.
It was an allure that could not be resisted. There before me was the temptation - dressed in ocean blue with an accent of green. So beautiful, so confident, so seductive.
Despite the hurt that I have caused, I will not sway from my new love.
I have become a Seattle Seahawks fan.
Go 'hawks!
Readers, enjoy your day.
It was an allure that could not be resisted. There before me was the temptation - dressed in ocean blue with an accent of green. So beautiful, so confident, so seductive.
Despite the hurt that I have caused, I will not sway from my new love.
I have become a Seattle Seahawks fan.
Go 'hawks!
Readers, enjoy your day.
Tuesday, August 5, 2014
COLORADO AND WASHINGTON
One of my two readers asked me how I would compare the two states in which I used to and currently reside. First of all, while I have great affection for each locale, there are some distinct differences. Here goes:
Colorado: NRA
Washington: NPR
Colorado: Tall mountains
Washington: Tall ships
Colorado: Coors Light
Washington: Bellingham Imperial Stout
Colorado: Hamburger
Washington: Salmon burger
Colorado: NRA
Washington: NPR
Colorado: Tall mountains
Washington: Tall ships
Colorado: Coors Light
Washington: Bellingham Imperial Stout
Colorado: Hamburger
Washington: Salmon burger
Colorado: Rush Limbaugh
Washington: Rush to 5:00 happy hour
Washington: Rush to 5:00 happy hour
Colorado: Peyton Manning
Washington: Russell Wilson
Washington: Russell Wilson
Colorado: Pine beetles
Washington: The Beatles
Washington: The Beatles
Colorado: Black Labrador Retriever
Washington: Animal shelter mutt
Washington: Animal shelter mutt
Colorado: Cutthroat trout
Washington: Chinook salmon
Washington: Chinook salmon
Colorado: Woolly mammoths
Washington: Woolly hats
Washington: Woolly hats
Colorado: Open range
Washington: Free range chicken
Washington: Free range chicken
Colorado: Skis
Washington: Brewskis
Washington: Brewskis
Colorado: Sunny weeks
Washington: Sunny minutes
Colorado: Ford Explorer
Washington: Toyota Prius
Colorado: Willie Nelson
Washington: Miles Davis
Colorado: Taco salad
Washington: Crab Louie
Colorado: Fender Stratocaster
Washington: Gibson J-45
Colorado: Sunglasses
Washington: Wine glasses
Colorado: Hiking boots
Washington: Rubber boots
Colorado: Distrust politicians
Washington: Distrust politicians
Readers, enjoy your day.
Washington: Sunny minutes
Colorado: Ford Explorer
Washington: Toyota Prius
Colorado: Willie Nelson
Washington: Miles Davis
Colorado: Taco salad
Washington: Crab Louie
Colorado: Fender Stratocaster
Washington: Gibson J-45
Colorado: Sunglasses
Washington: Wine glasses
Colorado: Hiking boots
Washington: Rubber boots
Colorado: Distrust politicians
Washington: Distrust politicians
Readers, enjoy your day.
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