Sunday, December 15, 2013

THE WORLD'S WORST DOG

I never liked her. We got her almost ten years ago and she's been a pain in the ass from day one; farted incessantly, shed fur all over the house, chewed everything in sight. If I said that I missed her I would be lying.

Good riddance.

When we walked her in the winter she would get covered with snowballs because she had the type of fur that attracted snow. We spent hours pulling burrs from her. She was a magnet for everything that would stick.

I had grown sick of her many years ago and I'm glad she's out of my life.

She had big, floppy ears that would drag in the dirt, picking up all sorts of crap that had no business coming into a civilized person's home. Those same ears would drag in her food bowl. The rancid stench of dried food, sticks, grass and dirt permeated every room in our house. I'm sure that our friends were talking behind our backs saying "their house smells awful - it must be HER."

Thank goodness she's gone.

The veterinarian's bills were incredible. We could do a yearly world cruise for the money we sunk into that stinking mutt. The veterinarian now drives a Ferrari and all of his kids have graduated from Harvard on the money that we have pissed away.

There's only one thing left for me to do: I'm going to read this column a million or more times and convince myself that I am not hurt now that she is gone.

I don't think that that is possible.

The fact is that we had to put our little dog to sleep three days ago. The pain of losing her is excruciating. Belle, we love you so much and there is a huge void in our lives now that you are gone.

Goodbye, our sweet dog.




Readers, enjoy your pets. May they and you live long and happy, healthy lives.

1 comment:

  1. She was so very beautiful and dear…. you knew and loved her well, and she was blessed by that. Her paw prints will be on your heart forever. She was such a lucky, lucky girl. She was a dog, and not everyone can love one…. but you have, in spite of her absolutely dogginess.

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